Moving on and letting go
It is always hard to understand these 3 things: when is the time to let things go, which things to let go and how to let them go. Many times, we’re so deeply upset that our mind is set to that particular “thing” or “things.” We clench our minds and take them so seriously. Our minds, thus, as if don’t have any more capacity to move on.
Life is not easy. That’s a part of our existence, we all know. There are so many things that we don’t and can’t accept because of so many reasons. Failures, rejection by others, being misunderstood, being wrongfully accused and disappointments are to name a few of the stuff that have the potential to freeze our minds, to stop our inner clock from ticking, to hinder our innermost to let things go.
When my mind is frozen, my life feels tasteless and empty. I don’t like the fact that I’m working very hard not to let that happen often. As human beings, it’s hard for us not to unfreeze. When there are things that “violate” our sense of purpose, we are often astonished. We couldn’t believe what happened. We couldn’t believe our eyes, ears and perceptions. Above all, we couldn’t believe our mind.
Whenever I experience this, I read The Serenity Prayer aloud and let my mind absorb its noble meaning:
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference”. ~ The Serenity Prayer
The ultimate wisdom in life is to act wisely by knowing and understanding what’s going on around us. Putting it shortly, life is full of disappointments and mysteries. The Buddhists, thus, describe life as suffering.
Life is suffering. Our perception makes us suffer. This is an interesting concept, isn’t it? To suffer, or not to suffer is merely a matter of perception. We can take things seriously that make us suffer, or to take them so lightly that nothing can bother our core self. Though it sounds really simple, it is not that easy to implement.
Let’s pivot around The Serenity Prayer. When you’re hurt, you need to look at the causes. For example, I was deeply hurt when my in-laws judged me for my “eccentric” unique lifestyle, which is very quiet, spiritual and creative as opposed to theirs, whose are very talkative, judgmental and money-oriented.
I believe that my lifestyle is who and what I am. Having others judging me really hurts. They showed distrust, as if I were a child with too many toys.
Hurting, I walked away to reflect. Am I such a horrible person because of my uniqueness? My mind, thus, froze for a moment. It was hard for me to accept this. It took me a few days to finally realize that we are all different. We have our own perceptions due to our different lifestyles, upbringings, educational backgrounds and, above all, core values.
I believe in individuality, creativity, unconformity, self reliance/ independence and spiritual enlightenment. They believe in community, materiality, conformity, dependence and financial abundance. These are completely opposite values, which can cause conflicts. In fact, it has caused some (sigh).
When my mind froze, I didn’t realize that I have a control over the situation. I can be assertive, instead of reactive. I can focus on my own values, instead of theirs. I can control my life through controlling my perception and how I want to react to life, to others. Now I do.
While you are working on moving on and letting go, tell yourself these things:
I’ll control what really matters and work my best in a particular situation. A freezing mind is not a solution at all.
I’ll let go of things that I won’t be able to control or understand, like how others’ minds work or how they come into such a conclusion about me. I’ll let go of a fully planned and totally understood life, for I’m looking for surprises and where my life takes me to.
I’ll cherish every moment knowing that I’m a good person with my own unique values and I’ll wait eagerly what unknown future destination my life is taking me to.
I’ll ask myself further, when the most appropriate time to control and to let things go is. I’ll be wiser. I’ll be more assertive. I’ll be unfrozen. I’ll be chanting The Serenity Prayer many times to ensure that my mind truly understands the true meaning of controlling and letting things go.
We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, in order to to have the life that is waiting for us.